Thursday, April 16, 2009

Real estate 

Real estate listings and those "Showcase of Homes" shows are ridiculous. I suppose I always knew this, but now I'm being inundated by said information, and it's starting to melt my brain.

My biggest bugaboo is the word "newer." If a kitchen is actually new, they say "new." But if it's between like 2 and, say, 20 years old, they say "newer."

Newer than what? One cannot use a comparative term if one is not comparing some thing to another thing. You just know that it's somewhere between new, and that piece of shit pea green kitchen you saw with the Works Progress Adminstration-era stove and the butter churn in the corner. It's just not the right usage of the word, which irritates me. They should really say "new-ish," because that's what they mean.

Now, obviously they're in the business of putting the best face on things. But their application of words like "updated," "handsome," and "generous" still amuses me.

Imagine if we talked this way in real life. Like, if I was doing a "Showcase of Homes" voiceover, but describing a weekend visit with a friend instead of a house:

"You'll while away the hours as your friend Marc comes for a visit to your charming neighborhood. You'll enjoy spending time with him and his newer wife. You'll marvel at his handsome recently added baby, and the surprising regalness of his updated, sunny, midsize car. He'll bring a generous amount of beer, and you will have a better time."

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