Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Brand new D-Nation feature: "Ask Dr. Stupid!" 

As you type stuff into Google these days, it tries to finish your thought and guess what you're looking for.

So I was typing "When should I" into Google and all of a sudden a bunch of these frequently-asked "When should I" questions popped up.

As a public service, I will save future Googlers the trouble of sifting through thousands of search results by providing them with answers to various pressing questions right here on my little corner of the Internets.

And we'll begin with the aforementioned "When Should I..."

"...take a pregnancy test": When you think you might be knocked up.

"...feel my baby move": Sometime after you take the pregnancy test, and prior to it coming out of your vagina. If the doctor says it's still alive and you don't feel anything, don't sweat it. Maybe the little fella is just really laid back.

"...refinance my mortgage": When you can get a good rate.

"...take Creatine": Probably never, unless you want to look like this:
"...take the GRE": When you want to go to grad school. Fool.

"...get my period": Well, it used to be when you were like 13 or 14, but thanks to all the bovine hormones, you can now expect to get it soon after emerging from the aforementioned vagina.

"...get a flu shot": Before flu season starts. Ass.

"...buy a house": When you can afford it and are tired of renting.

"...die": I have no idea how to respond to this.

"...get married": You're an idiot.

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