Monday, March 24, 2008

Dear Sir 

Dear Omnipresent TV Pitchman Billy Mays,

I may be a bit late with this request, but: Please, stop yelling at me! I can hear you just fine! It's been years now, and you're on TV more than ever, and I just can't take it anymore.

In fact, Billy, modern-day televisions have a feature called "volume control." If I am having trouble hearing you at any given time, I promise to amplify the sound of your voice with the use of this feature.

Please modulate your voice accordingly, before someone finally snaps and gives you an Oxi-Clean enema.

Thank You,


p.s. I see in your Wiki entry that you hail from McKees Rocks, Pennsylvania. Who knew?!

p.p.s. Also, I just realized your name is "Willie Mays!" HA HA! But seriously, shut up.

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